am having trouble just funding my soul in this town

how long do they endure
a highly perpetual bore
don't they feel the pain
of constant tickling monotone

i thought i was only a rebel
pertained to just an exterior denial,
until my inner-self awoke
which fiercely to myself spoke
shooting me from an impertinence,
budding up from a naiveness,
shedding a broad ray of light
that i close my eyes tight
just to contemplate the moment
of awaking from a delirious constant.

is it that it?
is there more to fit?
i know this in itself
is a higher order of monotony
to self edify, until my expiry.

______

Inside of you.

What do I hav to do
to get inside of you, to get inside of you…
coz I love the way u flew
inside my mind you do, inside my mind you do…

I do care what you feel
That’s how I got the reel
oh see what have you done
pretending to be the one
and I hope its true….

what do I have to do
to get inside of you, to get inside of you…
coz I love the way you glue
into ma heart you do, into ma heart you do…

terrible were all my waves
just before I saw your raves
oh see what have you made
like the sunshine in a shade
and I hope its true…

What do I have to do
To get inside of you, to get inside of you…
Coz I love the way you move
When Im inside of you, when Im inside of you…
You…
You…
When Im inside of you…

_________________________________

Song : Inside of you - Rejuvenated ( non-kinky version)
Lyrics: Sirish
Vocals : Douglas Robb (Hoobastank)/ Sirish.
Guitar, Drums, Bass.. regular band members.
Asylum Records
*Promo only*

_________________________________

Attempt to engage with time
sleep eternally without a chime
Try with people to twine
lay low without a shine
Tenacious to feel the happiness
remain in constant stolidness
Try so hard to the core
hurl away off the shore
Audacious to get enlightened
lost when known the truth
cause its entirely crap
feel stuck in this trap

a trap with liberty to choose
choices make you feel like a goose
Stranger however it may seem
that’s how in life yourself redeem

________________________________

maybe cursed with a heart
doomed by a brain
destined with a fate
victimized to a pain

gifted as a rebel
endowed with a free-thought
I feel good to tell
nothing really I got :P

God and religion, Poem

Well, I'd like to keep this very short not to cheat the enormous work thats going to come from me on this topic :D.
Of late I have been referring to many major religions and reading up the matter thats accessable to common public, atleast in a broader sense. And very recently I got in touch with a chat friend who is a devout Jain. The discussion started off with me not believing in God. Rather, I can put it as me losing the belief in God gradually, after more than 22 years, through realisation (realisation! thats ironic :P). Ofcourse, logic and intution being my swords.

The discussion, went on till me trying to prove a fault in the most peaceful religion Jainism and ended in me getting convinced that Jainism was infact successful in coveringup this fault by giving up a vent to its rigour.
I wanted to write this to publicize a poem written by the person as a message, and I found it very appealling, not as appealling as to change my opinions though. Anyway me aside :P, the poem goes as follows.

Nobody knows the power of prayer

but somebody is listening with a friendly ear
for the heart that calls

someone who knows when a sparrow falls

Miracle lies in the power of prayer

faith that can vanish all despair

hope that can bear like a holy light

and brighten the darkest night

When earthly help is of no avail

Theres one friend who will never fail

Just lift your eyes

the anwer is there

Thats the power of prayer

__________________________
I am planning to come up with my analysis and intution as a story (short,long? somewhere in b/w) :P. Lets see, what I can write and when I can write.

__________________________

absolute freedom

I’d like to do that,
yes, its possible
I’d like to do this
yes! quite possible

practicality overtook possibility
I’d neither do that nor this
living life in anonymity
to the things that are bliss

for a change.

If you try to measure my interest in ddp(thts my project) over a period of time(weeks on x-axis), :) its a stochastic gaussian white noise with a mean somewhere around 0% and a deviation of 100% :D.

I am 22 already! and I feel badly humiliated for not yet starting an earning. not even a damn stipend I can get. >:P Its terrible when you have all the time in your life and cant party. :P

Shuffle these and its my life
[Sleep(11 hours). browse. music. chat. movie.]

Y god Y!! :P

Hello

testing 123
thru email :)

--
"Emotion & Intuition are higher forms of logic & reasoning" evolved over time
from the collective experience of many.

.-=-. .--.
__ .' '. / " )
_ .' '. / .-. \ / .-'__
( \ / .-. \ / / \ \ / / \_
\ `-` / \ `-' / \ `-` /
`-.-` '.____.' `.____.'

libido

In this strange world,
dwells in my id
an overdose of libido
addicted to the superficial

What seems ugly,
subdues the internal beauty
not giving a chance
This is not a fair system

Wish people could reveal
the charm of the heart as equal
And also wish there was a desire
in everyone, for it too :P

moments

Who kicked a hole in the sky
so that heavens would cry over me..

Totally drenched in the downpour while returning from mocha. Was driving at a speed of not more than 20kmph because I was viewing the world with less than 320x240 pixels resolution. And thts becoz my spectacles had no wipers.

.............

Had nice time at my mama's place and my home. My 2 year old little cousin had his 'first-hair-cut' ceremony at a temple in a remote village. The ceremony is called "Jaawla" in kannada. I had a chance to have south indian traditional meal on leaf plate after almost 5 years! Savouring the food and moments was just unforgettable.

And I had captured a funny video of two village drummers(dunno wat they are called, smone let me know), drumming and dancing for a wedding. I havent got the video yet thou.

...............

Read The Zahir. Hats off to the author. The best part was when he says one cannot be happy in life just by being content about his past successes. And talks about how to forget the past by telling stories to a friend and all and to start afresh each and everyday.

Also read Five Point Someone. Ofcourse it was awesome :D.

................

Arranged

Is it the magic of ordinary days
Or were you paired in heaven
Bond as weak as of the lace
between you and the one

peculiar case I have
about a solitary woman
see how she does crave
for what she thinks heaven

her folks get her a man
for she ought to be paired
her spirits rose high
solitude now can be shared

this one is no hero she dreamed
for he is no less than a recluse
coward, egotist, taciturn
Not me! she made the abuse

a mistake she has done sordid
listening to the fairy tales
she was left in a state morbid
faith just left her in wails

Can she turn back on her own
She got the limbs mighty strong
To stand on her own
but not a courage in the feeble heart

touch by a grief-stricken Gujju woman.

Test Post Through Email.

Trying it out

crazy

The other day I was giving fundaes to my best friend about tolerating a relationship, who was already been into quite many relationships and is committed. Me! How lame! :P. Anyway I gave my untrained thoughts a chance to radiate out to him. Actually we both were high, so it hardly matters.
I said "There is no place for ego in a love relationship. Relationship is as complicated and yet as sensitive as a labyrinth. In case of friendship, take for example you and me.. we both have infinite ego and we know exaclty when its triggered out during a discussion so that we can get into a smooth course. In case of love there no place for ego man! You should be totally devoted to her, its like forgetting about yourself, like the state of Nirvana!" We also talked about infidelity and stuff. I dont remember exactly.

And then the next day, I was trying to recollect things I babbled about and laughed on my unfathomable nirvana funda. Almost immediately I looked up the definition of nirvana on wikipedia and I was surprised to see that Nirvana is Buddhist equivalent of Fanaa in sufism! And its also very true that people are crazy about the movie Fanaa and its songs whose lyrics are like " hona hai thujmein fanaa...". or " tere pyar mein ho jaaun fanaa ..."

Either I must have had the knowledge that nirvana/moksha/fanaa are equivalent and the nirvana funda came out of my subconscious or I must be crazy to think in that direction, who never been into a relationship and added to it, when I was high.

Life ----> Updated

Its been more than 15 days me writing something. I guess I was busy with exams and stuff. Finally done with fourth year. And the next year is laid before me to be experienced in a way i have never imagined before. No lectures, no exams, no assignments. Just a project, which streches for more than a year. I am scared. Not of the project but of the boredom!

Though confident about the project, there is always a space for suspicion when looking at my track record till now. Its about how committed i am to things. Well, lets see. The prof. has called me tomorrow as to officially start the DDP.

People are going away. People I am close to. Pavan left to hyd. yesterday and I helped him with his luggage. Gave a hug while he was leaving. But I had a sense we should have hanged out on a party the day before. And not to commit the same mistake, me, sai and vatsav went on a treat.

Saw the movie "Darna Jaroori Hai", the midnite show. The movie is so hillarious. Duhh. There were just 15 people I guess in the theatre. I had the sense that those so called talented/famous actors were acting for us(we three)! I mean they were trying to make us feel satisfied and were waiting for an appreciation. Alas! the movie so predictable, lame, lousy, foolish and kiddo. Dang! I was ROTFL. There was pink panther too. I guess we should have checked out that movie. Anyway it was fun. And I never knew CCD has no credit card payment! Arrgh. Atleast at huma. Anyway, Sai is leaving tomorrow.

I started reading Catch-22 and I am quite uncomfortable with the language. So amateur I am at reading that I cannot tolerate changes in writing styles. I was so addicted to the Gracia Marquez style that Joseph Heller unfortunately has to recieve pitiful comments from me. And I also did observe that I had this passion of writing poems and stuff till i was reading Gracia Marquez. Not sure.

Some things seem to be so predetermnined. All the trying hard (begging the profs and mails and stuff) just goes in vain. This time I have just left to the fate to decide about it. Nothing to worry, its about 2 of my courses. The dirty deeds done in the past haunting me. Well, they wont take my life away will they. Peace life.
And finally concluding :). I am highly impressed by this song "Mere haath mein" song from fanaa. It seems to dig out similar tunes from my favourite days. These are more of emotions than just tunes.

Active Blog.

My active journal link:

http://severe-virgo.livejournal.com

I got friends in there, so its tough to switch to blogspot.

duh!

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