The thought of taking a break from work has been lingering me since a few weeks. I am not sure if the work is tiresome or boring but the most important thing I realised was that you, as an individual, are not as important a human resource in a big firm. And so this lack of false sense of responsibility is an awesome feeling which I want to explore being at home. I got two ideas. One of the two ideas is to be at home, have mom's food to heart's conent, catch-up with old buddies, watch telugu movies and maybe give some liberal gyan to family people. But then I have to also bear the constant adivce/nag from parents about doing something with my career. The other idea is to saveup enough money, after buying a hip bike like FZ/R15/some cruiser, to last for atleast 2 months and stay in bangalore and to party atleast twice a week.. if possible freelance in between whenever I am fully conscious. I remember once asking our puzzle champion if he had infinite money ( or if he ever savesup such amounts), would he like to spend life lazying around, have long islands on a beach, party a lot, score chicks and sorts. He said 'no'. He said he'd like to use his brain for more productive activities, basically to keep it sharp and all. I say, nay, fuck it, give me the money. I consider the two month break I was contemplating about as a trial version of the bigger one. If I don't like it, I will stop craving to get filthy rich and get busy in silly little things as making this world easier and comfortable  for others to live, showing people how big my brains are and sorts. However, if I do like it, it would be a long odreal getting busy  to mint money using my extraordinarly mind-boggling brain skills. 

extraordinary wishful thoughts

this crave for the unattainable,
decomposing my so called dignity,
things would be explainable
only if you din't show frigidity

cradling my heart,
a feeling that was craft,
perfect as the dreams
these disastrous schemes

not a lesson learned
for these are the same
that left me burned
now replaced by your flame.

___________________________

false sense of passion

Honestly I think, for a kind of person like me, if I am not reading books - I can't write. Couple of years ago I think I was good with vocabulary, be it in the usage of words or be it in their quantity. And now, I feel deprived of so many beautiful synonyms and metaphors while writing. Obviously, as I see it, the influx of many new words happened to me in a span of just one year or so when I was 20+, rather than being good in english subject when I was a kid. So, as some researchers claim, our brain stops growing at the age of around 20 and you can't take in anymore words. Its like a fixed legth array used as a queue or some sort.
I just finished reading P G Wodehouse's 'Ring for Jeeves'  yesterday and I feel so elated with his witty and intelligent usage of words. I have this 10 books pack by P G Wodehouse, the best of his works it seems as claimed on its cover, for like INR 890. I had bought it almost a year ago and I finished with the second book, both were thin as an ipod touch.  Though I love to read and write, I am generally forced to do either one when I am totally feeling like shit. Like now, when I am no more a numb zombie fixing bugs indefinitely. I feel alive again, only to realise that I am surrounded by the same zombies as I was. You can't speak anything to them except about bugs. I enquire if the bugs tasted good , if they were nasty too. This is my first experience working for a fairly big company as Philips, and I must confess - I HATE IT. The only thing I learnt here is not to work in such a zombie environment ever, where you get hyptnotized into assuming that you are one valuable zombie.
Four months ago, I was very much not a zombie - meeting new non-zombies, beer mugs, music, movies, laughs. Ok, enough of the term zombie i guess. But seriously, I was so fed up woprking for 12 hours everyday - that I had to blast at my manager over phone when he told me that he was disappointed because I couldn't get my code reviewed by my reviewer on a saturday since I reached office at 2pm and that I can't except the reviewer to be there during my own confortable timings. I literally shouted at him, "LOOK YOU NEED NOT BE DISSAPPOINTED BECAUSE THIS IS SATURDAY, AND I SHOULD NOT EVEN BE IN THE OFFICE"

Anyhow, I am trying to catch with people's blogs, even though everyone has moved to the super sexy, irressitable, chikni wordpress. 
I feel like being in this dingy livejournal though :).

created from nothingness,
with a thought of emptiness,
greeted with full of joy,
wonder gifted as a toy.

if it gets full, the curious slate
and no more care about the fate,
then show me how to live
the life you so yearned to give

if you can't rub off the etch
and can no more sketch
shall we dumb it down
or juggle as a clown?


_________________________

As everyday passes by, I begin to worry more and more about the world we are facing. The news is generally grim, almost all of the days, and there is no end to it. And we are having more heated arguments amongst friends about who is more right and wrong, during major crisis like the Mumbai 26/11.
The course of discussions is usually like this: Hindu-Muslim to Pakistan via Taliban - USA - Russia - Communism - China - Hitler - Jews - Israel - Aliyah - Palestine - Gazastrip - Poverty - Zimbabwe - India - Pakistan.
And all of it is an ugly trip. The more we talk about the world, the more cynical we all become. You'll denounce capitalism, when you see its ugly side and at the same time curse communism for its unaccountability of power. Some say people of the various moral policing senas are jobless jerks and at the same time you start to wonder if their sensibilities towards things are actually making them do the things they do. Some say, it all started from Ayodhya in India - while some say we have been fighting like dogs ever since the creation of this subcontinent. The point of origin is usually also blamed on Israel troubling with Palestinians, who used the religion to unite their kind from all over the world for a 'cause'. Blame on Israel usually takes us to Hitler and his crankiness - which he developed during his own fucked up crisis like the great depression and WW1. A reasonable search for the past events which led to this shit, would take us through 600AD, 0-50AD, 2000BC and etc. In all this noise, we Indians have 'lost' our culture, our education system, our respect for women, our male chauvinism, our kurtas, pyjamas and the various achars - and these things get on to the nerves of some(or could be majority) of people in India. All or parts of what we read and hear could be true, or all of it could be an outright lie fed to us poor souls by the power hungry and rich aliens who get an orgasm while masturbating - looking at this voyeuristic suffering.
And on top of it the current recession. People are losing jobs like the chickens get culled during avian flu.

Is a true world order possible, with a peaceful coexistence of the promiscuous and the loyal conservative?